poem

I like Sherman Alexie. Here is why:

Indian Boy Love Song #1

Everyone I have lost
in the closing of a door
the click of the lock

is not forgotten, they
do not die but remain
within the soft edges
of the earth, the ash

of house fires and cancer
in sin and forgiveness
huddled under old blankets

dreaming their way into
my hands, my heart
closing tight like fists.

a few things

I have been having random thoughts while working today, here are a few.

1. Recently(for the millionth time) I was told that I am too nice to have come from the hood. I have been thinking about it for a few days now. Here is what I say. Never underestimate the humans will to survive. And survive is all we did back then.

2. I think that the forefathers declared "Seperation of church and state," to keep politics out of church, not the other way around.

3. What type of training does a police officer need to tell the difference between a gun and a taser? Im willing to pay for that myself. (google "oscar grant")

4. A list of short stories to read:
What You Pawn I Will Redeem-Sherman Alexie
The Things They Carried-Tim O'Brian
This Is What It Means To Say Pheonix Arizona-Sherman Alexie
The Man In The Brown Coat-Sherwood Anderson

That is all for now.

Do this

Fixed on this.

Once,
I was taught how to be a human being.
Then,
I was old enough to realize that we no longer know what that is like.

I tried to teach myself these things.
Love and compassion, honesty and humility. In the event of my demise I hope to have accomplished at least one.

I keep having this debate about helping people. My church, they are afraid of it. If we do not have this though, what do we have? Have we not been entrusted with loving Him and loving others? I keep hearing the argument "What if they take my money and buy drugs? Then I am hurting them." As if it were for us to decide. Sure, we do not have the Lords ability to see the soul, but let them answer to you about what is yours and answer to Lord about what is His.

More about this later, I have to go get a physical. My future employers way of making sure that I am of the unimpaired persuasion.

Words

Im glad nobody reads this crap.

I started writing a book about my life and I realize just how terrible it all really was. What a curse. An assemblage of disfunction. But that is not all that I realized. I also realize that some experiences served the purpose of making me who I am. There is no escaping that. Regardless of how good or bad we think we had we are all proprietors of some serious disfunction. In fact, everything about our personality is somehow shaped by this. Yes we can change and learn, but the desire to do so comes from this very thing. The cycle will never end.

The learning portion is interesting. I don't think I learned a whole lot from my experiences until many years after they occured. Funny though it may sound, I still am not sure what the heck it was all about. Suffice it to say that, it is what made me who I am. Never do we get away from any of it.

Im okay with that.

A Fine January Mourning

A reflection on the loss of a loved one.

Watercolour.
18x8 in.

Politics

I had a friend tell me that she was fed up with people telling others what they should or should not believe. I am too. So first things first, this is just my beliefe, I have been wrong before.

I was challenged by a friend recently (although probably not intentionally) about my political beliefs. She said something to the effect of "Your political views are all over the place." And she was right. I was challenged and bummed because I did not know how to explain why that was. As if I had not thought it out before. So I did just that.

Today I think "Christians" are confused about their patriotism and political beliefs and how those coincide with their religious views. I often hear that "Christians" are supposed to be of a specific political conviction (I will not call any names here). I think we might be confused though. Should we not be christian before we are republican or democrat, or even american? I believe that I think the way I do because I dont want to be any of those things. So many times I hear explain how they are conflicted over things like abortion. Im american and I believe we have the right, but im a christian and I think it is wrong. Why are we having this debate? Did Christ ever say he was conflicted between his political beliefs and his way of life?

I think christianity (cheesy though it may sound) is its own affiliation. It is when we start to look like the rest of the world that we may need to take a second look at the way we think.

Poo.

A few days ago I had jury duty. Call me bitter but I do not feel like I owe anything to the government. Especially not the legal system. That is not what I wanted to talk about though. The funny thing about jury duty is that you are giving yourself to the government essentially. The badge actually says "This Badge and badge holder are property of the Department of Justice of California." You can imagine the irony, a Native being the "property" of anything, especially the "justice system." You try and tell any Native he or she is the property of anything much less the united states and see what happens. I laughed it off. But then you can imagine the irony when a mexican man sits next to a white woman in this crowded room, who literally mumbles "ew," and then removes herself from her seat and stands. This was not funny too me. Then, as the crowd of potential jurors dwindles a more hilarious scene presents itself. Left in the room are all hispanic people, most of which im sure speak spanish. On the screen is the food channel. Much to my amusement there is a white lady teaching this room full of hispanics to make a wonderful salsa using, not 3, not 2, not 1, but ZERO chilis! And just as my name is called I have a sudden urge to use the restroom. Now that's what I call civil DUTY.